Road Rage

Last night whilst taking my elderly dog Becky for a walk – more of a dawdle actually – I stood for a while chatting to a neighbour. It was a quiet road until two seemingly jet-propelled cars bolted past us with no more than two or three feet between them. The driver of the white car following was beeping his horn and flashing his lights. The red car in front had to stop at the give way sign just 20 yards ahead of us at which point the white car overtook and pulled in front of the red one preventing him from going forward. Let’s call the driver of the white car, “Mr White” and the driver of the red car “Mr Red”, which is quite apt as he turned out to be ginger.

Mr White got out of his car, slammed his own door and came running towards Mr Red who made the right decision in reversing his car at breakneck speed to avoid a confrontation with a white-shirted angry gorilla heading in his direction hell-bent on violence. A professional boxer at a pre-fight weigh-in would have paid good money to recreate the look on this guy’s face. I said to my neighbour friend, ‘It looks like I’m going to have to get involved here’ with all the conviction of a first-time bungee-jumper. As I took a step or two towards Mr White he was still hurling abuse at Mr Red then seemed to halt in his tracks. He looked at me and asked what I thought I was looking at – perhaps not exactly in those words – to which I replied, ‘I’m just going to act as a witness in case you beat this guy up’. At this point Mr White slowly started to walk backwards to his car and I have to say I was quite relieved and just a little proud that my clearly impressive and athletic physique had scared the guy so much he felt he needed to retreat; either that or possibly that he was not prepared to waste any more of his valuable time ‘duffing up’ a 52-year-old man who has never had a fight in his life.

We suggested that Mr Red just hang about for a few minutes until he drove off. This is when Mr Red told us what had happened a few minutes earlier. It seemed that Mr White objected to the fact that Mr Red stopped suddenly on a main road in order to let an ambulance pass. Mr White had to brake hard to avoid crashing into the back of Mr Red, a task made much more difficult by the fact that he was holding a mobile phone to his ear at the time.

At this point Mr White decided he had not finished, he turned his car around and screeched all the way back to pull alongside Mr Red with just inches between the two drivers’ doors. It was then we realised that Mr White had a little boy, probably around three or four years old, in the passenger seat who I assumed to be son. Well what a fine example he was providing. If my neighbour and I were the judges, juries and executioners then it would have been all over bar the shouting – “Send him down and throw away the key!”

Could there have been more to this story than meets the eye? Well yes, it seems that Mr White became so aggressive for one reason only; Mr Red had told him to ‘F*** off’ when their altercation first started and Mr White’s final words to Mr Red were “Nobody tells me to f*** off and gets away with it, now f*** off”.

I apologise for the bad language implied in this story but it was integral and used within the context of a direct quote.

As for Becky, well she just lay down on the path and yawned a few times throughout the entire episode. She would probably have been as useful in a fight as me!